


Cosmic Collisions

by cardboardhydrates



Category: Undertale
Genre: Depression, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 19:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11881542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardboardhydrates/pseuds/cardboardhydrates
Summary: When a star and a black hole are close together, a powerful, high-energy light is made, and from this light, stars are born.Once the Barrier is removed, everything starts changing, even for Napstablook. But even though it terrifies them, not all change is bad….especially the changes that involved Sans the skeleton.





	Cosmic Collisions

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry to the undertailfanficcontest for the hurt/comfort category.
> 
> Thank you to @serifsins for helping with this youre the best <3

When Napstablook realized that Metta had left, they felt something horribly like relief.

It was inevitable. Even in their most despair filled moments, Metta was always looking ahead, eyes fixed on some goal. They had reassured Napstablook that they wouldn’t get a body, but they both knew that wasn’t true. Metta was miserable as a ghost, and they deserved more. They were a star; bright, talented, determined to go far.

And Napstablook? They were just a heavy burden that was keeping Metta trapped, holding them back. It was good to know that they could escape.

Napstablook just wished they knew what Metta’s new body looked like.

There was no one left to care what Napstablook did now. Shyren was watching over her Fallen Down sister, spending every moment at her bedside waiting for her to either wake up or turn to dust. Napstablook should be trying harder to help, to comfort and help her, but they were so bad at it. It was better if they stayed away. It wasn’t fair to Shyren that the only one available to be there for her was someone as useless as Napstablook.

It was easy now to stay inside for days at a time. It was easier to be alone, to not have to face strangers and be in constant terror that Napstablook’s presence would be inconvenient or painful for them. It was easy to disappear whenever they saw someone coming their way, or pretend to be asleep and hope they wouldn’t try to talk to them. The longer they went without having to talk to someone, the scarier it became when they were forced to.

Everything was completely fine, as long as they were alone. They could exist without fear, without worry. They couldn’t hurt anyone, or mess anything up.

Shyren accepted that her sister wasn’t going to wake up, and when the Royal Scientist asked for the bodies of those who had Fallen, Shyren offered. Her sister would have been proud to know that her body was going towards a good cause; would help break the barrier and set everyone free. She always was the selfless type.

Now that her sister was gone, Shyren was falling apart. If Napstablook had been a better friend, they would have been there for her. But if she saw them now, she would feel even worse, so Napstablook hide whenever they saw her.

The world carried on. Napstablook’s neighbor tried to talk to them but they avoided her as best they could (which was harder than expected, because for someone so loud, she was very stealthy) The Royal Scientist said that all the Fallen Down monsters whose bodies had been donated would be returned home safely, but then mysteriously stopped answering any phone calls, letters, or knocks at the door.

And Napstablook carried on. They took care of the family farm and visited the Ruins when Waterfall got too crowded. They laid on the ground for days at a time and listened to music. Sometimes they even made their own. And after a new celebrity, a robot called Mettaton, took the Underground by storm, they watched TV. Watching Mettaton gave structure to their day, and something to look forward to. When every day was as empty as the one before, Napstablook could look forward to the next episode, the next movie, the new video game.

Then everything started changing. They met someone nice in the Ruins, who made them smile and complimented their Dapperblook hat. They even came to visit after Napstablook ruined their hangout with Mad Dummy, listened to their trash music and laid on the ground with them feeling like garbage.

That someone turned out to be a human, who made multiple appearances on Mettaton’s show, where they engaged in thrilling, stylish combat together. Mettaton almost canceled their show, and Napstablook gathered the courage to call in, and got to talk to him!

When he recognized their voice and called them Blooky, somehow, they weren’t surprised at all. They were so happy that Metta had accomplished his dreams. It got even better when Mettaton came to visit and asked them and Shyren to be a part of his performances. High off the excitement of seeing their beloved cousin once more, Napstablook said yes.

Now everything was different. Napstablook moved into Mettaton’s new mansion, making sure to only take up space in one room to be as little of a bother as possible. But Mettaton kept checking in, trying to talk to them, often crying, sometimes yelling, and always, always apologizing.

Napstablook didn’t understand. Wasn’t everything better now that Napstablook stopped trying? Did Mettaton want them to go back to being terrified every second, knowing that each conversation could lead to rejection or humiliation? Things were great as long as Napstablook was alone, but Mettaton didn’t get it at all. (The horrible, most disgusting parts of Napstablook thought that of course Mettaton didn’t, he couldn’t stand to not be the center of attention. He couldn’t imagine wanting to be alone)

It was horrible, but something had broken between them. It had once been easy, even comfortable to be around him, to confide in and vent their feelings together. Now their interactions were slightly strained, tinged with distrust, with guilt, with resentment. Sometimes Napstablook wanted to confide in Mettaton like before, but when they tried, the thought of Mettaton finally getting so disgusted that he would leave again, this time for good, stopped them. 

But Mettaton kept pushing, and Napstablook didn’t want to let him down anymore so they tried. They talked to new people, they got out of their room at least once a day, they even reconnected with Shyren. They couldn’t believe it when Shyren not only forgave them for not being there for her, she apologized to them for not being there when Mettaton left, as if there was any comparison.

Of all the things Napstablook had done to make Mettaton happy though, agreeing to come to this party was too much. Napstablook knew from the start that it was going to be a disaster, but Mettaton wanted them to go so badly, so Napstablook steeled themself up and went.

Now Mettaton kept introducing them to all these guests, bragging about how “great” Napstablook was at making music and how wonderful they were going to be as a team. Napstablook needed to go immediately delete their profile, or at least erase the part that said musician because it wasn’t true, they were a phony and these monsters were going to want proof and Napstablook would have to perform and-

“This party is going wonderfully darling!” Mettaton beamed. “And you’ve been doing so well!”

“…Really?” Napstablook was pretty sure that everyone they spoke to today hated them and was laughing at how socially inept they were. But Mettaton was an optimist to the extreme.

“Yes! I know these things are scary for you, but you haven’t run away or started crying! You’ve been so brave! And now you’re making so many new friends!”

If there was one benefit to being figuratively dead inside, it was that Mettaton had no idea how much they were panicking right now.

“Well, I’m going to go mingle some more! Will you be all right by yourself?” Napstablook nodded, eager to get the chance to go hide in a corner somewhere. “Toodle-o!”

Napstablook floated over to a corner of the room, quieter and removed from the rest of the party.

One of the guests Mettaton had introduced them to was headed their way, and Napstablook could feel their soul pounding. Napstablook mentally pleaded them to go away.

…Their eyes slid over Napstablook as if they weren’t even there. They didn’t recognize them at all.

That made sense. Napstablook wasn’t interesting enough to hate. It was equally relieving and disappointing.

Napstablook flinched when they heard sudden, loud laughter. Did someone see what had just happened? A few minutes later, they heard it again, this time from a different area of the room. How many monsters had just seen that? Or were they laughing about something else Napstablook had done? They had done plenty to embarrass themself at this party alone, not to mention what they could have seen them do before. Napstablook steeled themself to look in the direction of the laughter, sighing in relief when they found the source.

A small skeleton with a wide grin was standing in the middle of a large group of monsters, all of them laughing or groaning (some at the same time) at something the skeleton had just said. None of them were even facing Napstablook’s direction. After he finished talking to everyone in that group, he moved on to another, getting a similar reaction. He seemed to know everyone he talked to.

Napstablook knew him too. Sans the skeleton, who used a telescope in the Underground and gave free peeks, had stood outside the Ruins door and practiced knock-knock jokes with the Queen, and was about to start regularly doing stand-up comedy at the NEW MTT Resort.

They had met before. Napstablook had embarrassed themself and not laughed at a joke Sans made, not even realizing it was supposed to be funny. Now they phased through the wall every time they saw him coming, in case he remembered.

Luckily he hadn’t noticed them yet, so Napstablook could freely watch as he worked the crowd. He was apparently quite a social butterfly. He pranked several guests, but usually smoothed things over if it wasn’t taken well.

Meanwhile, Napstablook was more like a social snail. (They immediately apologized to all the snails they knew for making such a rude comparison)

Oh no! Sans was now headed in their direction! Did he see them watching and were going to tell them off for being creepy? Napstablook prepared to flee, but…Mettaton was so proud of them for not leaving. If they did now, he would be so disappointed.

Napstablook held still, but acted like they hadn’t seen Sans yet, in case he didn’t recognize him and had no idea why this strange ghost thought he wanted to talk to them.

Sans came to a stop right in front of Napstablook. They stared at the floor intently.

“Yo. Mind if I sit here?”

…There were no chairs, or tables, or any furniture at all. In fact, the only things in this corner was Napstablook, an outlet, and a wall.

“Um…if you want to I guess?”

“Thanks pal,” Sans slumped against the wall and slid until he was sitting on the floor, sagging in relief. “Finally, my dogs were barking. I can’t believe they made me wear actual shoes to this thing.”

What did dogs have to do with anything?

“So you’re Napstablook right?” Sans asked, pillowing his skulls with his hands. “We’ve met before, but haven’t really had the chance to chat properly. What’s up?”

“oh…not much.” What a riveting answer. Maybe Mettaton wouldn’t be that disappointed if they ran away now.

There was a brief pause as Sans waited for Napstablook to say something else. But Napstablook couldn’t think of anything to say.

“So Mettaton said that you make music? And you’re going to write for him; what’s that like?

“We haven’t really started yet…but I used to make music for him a long time ago. But no one else knows about that stuff so…yeah.”

Sans grinned. “I can play a trombone, but I never wrote my own music. That’s pretty cool.”

“Um…how can you do that without lips?” Or cheeks, or any skin at all. Do skeletons even breathe?

“Very carefully,” Sans snickered. “But what better instrument for a skeleton to play right?”

“Um…”

Sans winked. “A trombone.”

Oh.

He learned to play an instrument that should be impossible for him to play for the sake of a pun? That…was some serious dedication.

“How long did it take to learn?”

“Oh, years. My teacher kept hoping I’d quit, but the look of dismay on their face every time I came back was worth it. This one time-“

“Hey Sans!” Napstablook shrank back at the loud and very familiar voice.

“Sup Undyne? Some party huh?

“Ha! Like you would know nerd! I can’t believe you’re sitting down already!”

“Yeah well, you know,” Sans shrugged. If I stand up too long, I’ll lose my title as No. 1 slacker.”

Undyne laughed, smacking the side of Sans’ skull. “Whatever loser.” She noticed Napstablook on the other side of Sans.

“Oh! Hey Napsta, I don’t think I’ve seen you since we all left the Underground!” She had lowered her voice some, but she was still very loud and scary. Napstablook appreciated the attempt though.

“Man, it’s so weird that you know Mettaton! And I’m dating the adorable and awesome scientist that made his body! Small world huh?”

“I guess the Underground was kind of small…”

Undyne laughed. “Yeah, especially compared to the Surface! I gotta find Alphys but hey! Don’t let this guy be a dick to you! Or pull any stupid pranks! And feel free to tell him his jokes suck, he loves it!”

Sans nodded, faux-serious. “It’s true.”

“He probably gets off on it!!! Because he’s a masochist!”

“Uh…”Sans seemed at a loss for words.

“And I’m probably drunk!” Undyne announced much louder than necessary. “So I’m going to go find my hot girlfriend and make out with her! Bye!”

Sans snorted as she left. “Well that was something. I better remember to tease her about it later.”

“Heh. At least she’s having fun?”

Napstablook was a little sad to see her go so soon. While they didn’t miss how loud and aggressive she was, they missed hearing her play piano, or how she tried to help Shyren get her confidence back.

“Have you ever played together? Music I mean?”

“Huh, never thought about it.” Sans snorted. “Nah, better not. I can’t measure up to that kind of passion. Maybe Mettaton could though. That would be entertaining.”

“Hey Sans!”

For a second, Sans looked irritated and sighed. “Sup?”

He talked for a while with the ice bird monster (?) , who apparently was a comedian too, and admonished Sans for being lazy, saying “once you’ve had a teenager you’ll understand true exhaustion”

Once he left, another monster wanted Sans attention, again they called him lazy.

“Why do they keep saying that,” Napstablook finally asked once the two of them were alone again. “You’re not lazy.”

Sans snorted. “Uh. Actually I am. It doesn’t bother me or anything, it’s just how I am. No big deal.”

“Oh…” But he wasn’t. He had been interacting with monsters all night, and had been on his feet most of it. Each time another monster wanted his attention, he seemed to get even more exhausted.

But maybe it would make him mad if Napstablook said so? He seemed insistent that it was true. And what business was it of Napstablook’s? They didn’t have any right to tell Sans who he was and wasn’t.

So Napstablook shrank back. “Well, I don’t think you’re lazy,” they murmured. Hopefully that was okay to say.

“Um,” Sans laughed, scratching the back of his skull. “Thanks.”

By the time Mettaton found the two of them, Sans was half asleep. ““Budge over Sans, I need to recharge and you’re blocking the only free outlet!”

The second Sans scooted over, Mettaton plugged himself in, sighing in relief. “Two percent. I thought I wasn’t going to make it this time.” He straightened up, turning toward Napstablook. “There you are Blooky! I’ve been looking for you! Did I interrupt you two? Don’t mind me, carry on! Its wonderful to see you two becoming friends!”

“Wouldn’t you charge faster if you shut down? Or at least sat down?” Sans asked.

“I will not sit on the ground, don’t be absurd!” Mettaton declared, staring intently at his wrist where a watch-like device displayed his battery life. Most likely, Mettaton would charge until he reached at least 20 percent, then disconnect and act the same as usual…until he reached two percent again.

Sans shrugged. “All right, just didn’t want you to pass out. Again.”

“That was one time!” Mettaton shrieked, “…this week.”

“Did the advice Dr. Alphys give you help any?” Napstablook asked. “Pacing yourself, recharging throughout the day?” Napstablook knew that Mettaton hadn’t been following her advice, but they didn’t want Mettaton to think they didn’t believe in him….and maybe wanted to give him a reminder.

Mettaton flushed. “Well, maybe a little. It’s hard to say yet. But never mind all that! The night’s still young and we all have a bright future ahead of us! Time to party the night away!” Mettaton spotted Shyren, who had said that she wouldn’t make it, come in from the entrance. “Forgive me dears, but I have a friend that I need to introduce to everyone.” He quickly disconnected from the charger and hurried off, probably to introduce poor Shyren to absolutely every notable monster at the party.

“Welp, I’ve apparently had all the fun I can handle for one day,” Sans said. “I better go and hit the hay.” He stood up, dug around his pockets and pulled out a piece of paper and pencil. “You got an Undernet account or something? It’d be cool to chat some, or hang out or whatever.”

“Really? Um okay, if you want to….” Napstablook said, writing down their account name, the words shaky from nerves.

“Sweet. See you later.” Sans waved and walked away…into a dead end. But when Napstablook followed to help him find the exit, he had strangely disappeared.

That wasn’t completely terrible; it was fun even. They wouldn’t mind talking to Sans again. They immediately checked their phone and saw that they had a new friend request.

They felt warm.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When Sans didn’t message them for several weeks after, Napstablook didn’t think much about it. They checked their phone constantly throughout the day to see if they had any messages, but they weren’t exactly surprised or even offended. It was what they expected.

They wondered if they should message Sans themself, but what if he was busy and Napstablook’s message was annoying or distracting? Or maybe it would make Napstablook look desperate.

For some reason, Mettaton was invested. He kept asking Napstablook if they had talked to Sans yet, getting increasingly exasperated each time Napstablook said no.

“Just message him! Sans is the most forgetful monster I’ve ever met, he’ll probably appreciate it!”

“No that’s okay…I don’t want to bother him.”

But what if Sans thought that they hated him because they hadn’t messaged him yet? Maybe Sans had expected them to initiate the conversation and thought they didn’t like him when they hadn’t? Maybe just one short message, just to make sure it was okay…They typed up a very quick message.

> NAPSTABLOOK22: Um hi….

No, this was a terrible idea! Napstablook immediately deleted the message and buried the phone under a pile of CDs. They really should just delete their account anyways, it wasn’t doing them much good.

Unfortunately, mere minutes later, their phone buzzed.

> sans: uh
> 
> sans: did you message me? i got a notification but i didnt see anything
> 
> sans: sorry I havent messaged you yet
> 
> sans: im really bad about forgetting stuff like that fiar warning

He…wasn’t mad? Not only that, but he felt bad about not messaging them?

> NAPSTABLOOK22: Oh um
> 
> NAPSTABLOOK22: You don’t need to feel bad, I’m not mad. I’m…happy to hear from you
> 
> NAPSTABLOOK22: :)
> 
> NAPSTABLOOK22: Sorry it took me so long to message you…I’m sort of a garbage friend.
> 
> sans: well you know what they say
> 
> sans: one humans trash is a monsters vital resource

Napstablook buried their face in their arms, face flushing. Napstablook, vital? That was impossible…but it was true that monsters had relied on human’s garbage to keep their society afloat. Napstablook would need to find a new way to describe themself.

Later that day Napstablook laid down for their daily ritual of laying on the ground and feeling like garbage. Instead of thinking about how useless and unwanted they were, they imagined themself as a piece of debris, peacefully sailing down the river. They thought about the monsters who dug through the dump, and how excited they were about all this thrown away, unwanted junk.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of them started messaging on and off, although Sans nearly always initiated their conversations. Napstablook tried, but when they did, they felt such horrible anxiety the entire conversation that they could barely muster through it. It got easier the more they talked.

Sans was incredibly easy to vent to. Napstablook could complain about the most inane problems imaginable and Sans would listen without judgement. They could talk about how frustrating Mettaton was to work with, how particular he was about everything. They could talk about how they were scared of incredibly mundane things like “What do you like to do?” and Sans didn’t make fun of them for it.

And they could vent about the worst things too. The two of them would lay down on the floor, staring at the ceiling, while Napstablook whispered about the things they were afraid to tell anyone.

“I didn’t understand why the other ghosts wanted a body, but sometimes…I look at Mettaton and I wonder what it would be like to turn myself off. To stop existing for a while…. I get so tired of being. If it was me…I would probably shut off and never turn myself back on.”

Napstablook was terrified to look at Sans, to see his reaction to their confession. If they didn’t look at him, they could almost pretend no one had heard it but them.

The last response they expected was for Sans to say, “Yeah. Yeah I get it.” He chuckled dryly. “Why do you think I like sleeping so much?”

Sans, the most cheerful and fun monster Napstablook had ever known, who had more friends than just about anyone, thought about dying? It seemed impossible.

It was terrifying.

For Napstablook, the thought was little more than a pipe dream, an impossibility. Ghosts just can’t die.

But skeletons could.

“Are you scared of dying?” Napstablook asked.

“I think I’m more afraid that I’ll die…and then wake back up again. And again, and again, and again.” His voice was rough, flat.

Suddenly he sat up, and the moment was broken.

“Forget I said anything. It’s nothing to worry about.” Sans smiled placatingly, and he sounded exactly the same as usual. It was like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t just talked about dying.

And Napstablook wondered how often he thought about it, if he could bounce back so easily. As if thinking about suicide was a normal occurrence for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Their favorite thing to do with Sans was to go star gazing. Sans always got so excited and would tell Napstablook everything he knew about each individual star or planet. Napstablook didn’t always know what he was talking about, but they enjoyed hearing Sans talk about it. It was unusual for Sans to be so passionate about something.

They could see more with Sans’ telescope, but somehow Napstablook enjoyed it more when they laid back on the ground and watched the stars that way. It reminded them of being back home in Waterfall. Even though the fake stars in the Underground were supposed to be poor imitations of the ones they saw now, Napstablook still missed them nonetheless.

“If you were a star, which one would you be?” Napstablook asked.

Sans snorted. “I dunno. How about that one?” He pointed at a random one. “How about you?”

“Oh…I’m not any of them. If I’m anything, then I guess it would be a black hole.”

“Huh. Why do you say that?”

Napstablook looked away from Sans, focusing on the stars as they searched for the right words. “Some people are like stars. You seek them out, get excited when you see them, and they lighten up the darkness around you. And others…are black holes. Corpses of what was once a star; invisible masses of gravity, but once you get too close, they trap you.”

The silence was heavy, growing more so as Napstablook waited for a response from Sans.

Finally, Sans said, “Did you know that at the center of the galaxy is a black hole? Almost every galaxy has one; a supermassive black hole that the entire galaxy orbits around.” He turned to face Napstablook, looking far more serious than he ever did. “Without it, the galaxy would fall apart. There would BE no galaxy.”

“Oh…. I guess that would make you the black hole then.”

Sans stared, his face starting to flush. “Aw jeez Blooky, come on.” He buried his face in the crook of his arm. “When did you get so smooth?”

No one had ever said that to Napstablook before. It was kind of fun, to see Sans all flustered.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When Sans joked about what a mess his room was, Napstablook had imagined a room stuffed full of random things, whoopee cushions littering the ground. They had even amused themself with imagining Sans opening the closet door and a flood of stuff cartoonishly falling out.

But Sans’ room didn’t have a single personal touch. There were no science books or star charts, not even his telescope. No sign of the trombone Sans had spent years learning, no pictures of family or friends. There wasn’t even any joke books or props for his pranks. Just a dirty mattress with no sheets or blankets, a dresser, an piles of trash.

It didn’t feel like a bedroom. It didn’t feel like anyone lived here at all. It felt transitional, a place where you stayed while waiting to be moved again.

Sans was laying on the filthy mattress, staring blankly at the wall. His eyes weren’t even lit like they usually were, and it made him look empty.

“Come back later Blooky,” Sans mumbled. “I’m not really good company right now.”

Napstablook flinched and reflexively started mentally preparing to leave. Sans told them to go, so they should, right?

But they remembered Sans telling them that he was afraid of dying and waking up afterwards, and they couldn’t move. All they could think about was the numerous ways that corporal beings could kill themselves with, and Sans trying all of them the moment Napstablook left.

Instead, Napstablook steeled themself, and stayed put. “That’s okay, you don’t have to be,” Napstablook said. “…and I think you might need the company anyways.”

Sans huffed, but didn’t argue with Napstablook. He just stared at the wall.

Napstablook couldn’t think of anything they could do to cheer Sans. “….do you want to listen to music?” Music always helped them when they felt bad.

Sans sighed. “If you want to. I don’t care.”

Napstablook hit shuffle on their music player, and a depressing song about dying was the first thing to come up. Maybe…this wouldn’t help at all. All of their music was either inane or depressing. But when they tried to skip it, Sans stopped them. “Its fine. Just leave it.”

They let the song play, quietly hovering on the side of Napstablook’s bed as they listened to one sad song after another.

Eventually Sans asked, “Why are you here? I can’t do anything. I can’t cheer you up, or help you with anything. I’m just useless like this.”

Napstablook was the worst friend in existence. They were never there for Sans; they just dumped their mopey junk on him, taking his comfort and offering none in return. If they couldn’t help Sans this one time, they really were nothing more than a burden.

“You don’t have to do anything for me, or be helpful, or anything. I just…thought you needed a friend, and I wanted to help.” Napstablook patted Sans on the shoulder, hoping the contact would provide comfort even if their words didn’t. When the touch wasn’t rejected, Napstablook kept doing it.

“…Why bother?” Sans asked. “Why depress yourself over something so pointless.”

“I wonder that every time you help me,” Napstablook murmured. “My problems are so silly compared to what others are going through…but you still listen and are there for me anyways. So maybe, even if it is pointless, I could be there for you too?”

The two of them didn’t say anything for a long time after that. They just sat together, listening to music and staring off into space.

Somehow it seemed to help. Slowly, Sans started acting more like himself; talking, making jokes, he even managed to trick Napstablook into setting off a whoopee cushion.

“It’s really not a big deal,” Sans eventually said. “I just randomly don’t feel real or have emotions sometimes. It looks worse than it actually is. And, heh, I’m less likely to try and kill myself then. I don’t care enough to.”

“But…it’s still not good, right?”

Sans shrugged. “It’s better than the alternative, which is an existential crisis where I question the existence of the universe and everyone I know and care about.”

“That’s terrible…I’m sorry.” 

“Its fine, honestly.” Sans wrapped an arm around Napstablook. “And…thanks. For staying. It helped a lot.”

“…Really? How?” Nothing Napstablook had done was remotely helpful, all they did was sit there and listen to music.

“Being there for me, even when I was pushing you away. I know that’s hard for you, but you did it anyways.” Sans said. “You’re something special, you know that?”

Napstablook blushed. “Me? Special?”

“Yeah, you are. I know you don’t feel like it, but you’ve been trying hard even though it’s scary, and that’s amazing. You’ve been doing so well, and trying new things.” Sans smiled softly. “I’m proud of you Blooky.”

“But…you’re the special one!” Napstablook said. “You’re so smart, and fun, and kind, and wonderful. But I’m just…me. I’m boring and scared of being asked questions and my problems are so ridiculous and meaningless. Why would anyone think that was special?”

“Heh. Guess we’ll both be special together then,” Sans said, a light blue flush on his cheekbones. “Because no matter how you deny it, you’re special to me.”

“….Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh….” Napstablook’s soul felt light and warm. They smiled. “Really?”

Sans laughed, scratching the back of his head. “Yeah, really.”

“No one’s ever said anything like that to me before…” Napstablook almost couldn’t believe it, it was like a dream come true.

But…Napstablook was already so lucky to just be friends with Sans. To ask for more than that would be too much. They were too heavy a burden, and they would ruin the one good thing they had.

“…I’m sorry Sans,” Napstablook said. “I’m so happy you like me that way…but I can’t.” They teared up, unable to even see the expression on Sans face as their vision swam with tears.

“Aw Blooky, come here.” Sans wrapped his arms around Napstablook and hugged him. “If you don’t want to its okay. But…if you want to, and you’re scared of what will happen, maybe we can give it a try? What do you say?”

“I…. I’ve never done this before,” Napstablook whispered. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I don’t have a lot of experience with this stuff either,” Sans admitted. “So, I guess we could figure it out together?”

“…Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Napstablook laid back, staring up at the ceiling as they searched for the right words to articulate a feeling they had had for a long time, but could never quite explain. “I feel like anxiety wore me away.” They finally said. “Like I’m a pebble, being tossed back and forth by its current, my rough edges worn away. And at first, that was wonderful. People like smooth stones so much more. I was someone that people could like. But the erosion didn’t stop there. It just kept happening, rubbing away more and more of me, filling me up with holes. Until I’m hollowed out. I’m just a shell now, that used to house something. But now, I’m unstable, and eventually I’ll be shattered into sand, and rubbed out of existence.”

Napstablook looked over at Sans. They were still afraid that he would mock them for their fears, but these days, it wasn’t as bad. “Sometimes…. I wonder who I could have been, if fear hadn’t eroded my personality. I could have been a different person. A better one.”

Sans shrugged, looking up at the hollowly sparkling ceiling as well. “I dunno,” he finally said. “But you know, humans spend hours going up and down beaches, looking for seashells.”

Sans lifted his hand, holding his palm out in the air, stretched between them like an offering. “And sometimes the shell that ends up treasured most isn’t a picture-perfect shell, but one that’s been through a lot. Maybe even one with a hole in it - perfect for putting it on a necklace, and keeping close.”

Sans looks over at Napstablook with an easy grin. “You don’t need to be worried about the sea washing you away. I think I’ve found the perfect shell right here, and I’m going to make sure it doesn’t fall apart. this shell is a lot tougher than it looks - shouldn’t be too much work for a lazybones like me.”

“Heh. You’re not a lazybones.” Napstablook smiled. “But…thank you. For listening. And being here. It means a lot.”

The two of them still had their struggles, and sometimes it was tough. Sometimes they didn’t know what to do or how to help. But it was all worth it.


End file.
